NINJA ASSASSIN brings back the insanity of 80's action films

Score:

The acting is cardboard; the plot is nonsense; the theme and sets are cliche; the action is too gory; the gore is too bloody; and the music has an electronic heartbeat, like Mortal Kombat and The Matrix. Ninja Assassin gives nothing to the art of film. Still, it is a friendly trip back to the 80s--the movie industry's biggest and loudest decade--and for that, I enjoyed it.

It starts with a group of punk Chinese gangsters lounging around in what appears to be a burned out warehouse, conveniently converted into a gloomy gangster lair. The punk in charge is getting a tattoo from an old wise tattoo master. The old man warns them of danger, but they do not listen. After all, he is an old fart, right? All of the sudden, the lights go out. (Respect your elders, kids.) Then half of one man's head is sliced right off. Carnage ensues. People die.

Ancient ninja clans exist today, and nobody knows about them. They carry out assassinations in the dark, working for corporations and governments. They charge 100 pounds of gold for their work. It is smart to invest in gold, I hear, so kudos to them. The ninjas live in an ancient Chinese hideaway, which looks like a temple out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. They seem to have plenty of jobs to carry out, but I wonder, do they have a mailing address? I didn't see a computer, so email is out of the question. Maybe they use Google Voice?

Anyway, two Europol investigators, Mika (Naomie Harris) and Maslow (Ben Miles) somehow stumble onto the trail of these ninja clans. Ninjas start popping up and people start dying. Then Raizu (Rain), a ninja clan defector, pops up to fight the bad ninjas. Soon we see flashbacks of ninja training and budding ninja love stories. Don't worry. These scenes of love and tranquility unravel into giant fight scenes and big explosions by the third act. If these are spoilers, you're new to this genre. 

Fight scenes have the design and feel of the 80s, but with the camera work and editing of a modern action movie. Ninjas fly around and pop out of the darkness in ancient temples, a parking garage, and the obligatory old metal factory. They fight each other frequently, and to the death. Being a James McTeigue film, the action is reminiscent of V for Vendetta and The Matrix trilogy, though I have to question his attention to story. I'm pretty sure the plot completely contradicts itself more than once, but it seems almost intentional. At times, the acting and story remind me how I felt when I watched Snakes on a Plane in theaters.

I've never liked the term "popcorn movie" but here it may be appropriate. I was almost ready to walk out of Ninja Assassin when it began. The intro is excessively gory, and I assumed it would only get worse. I ate a lot of popcorn and averted my eyes quite frequently in the first ten minutes. Oddly, the intro is the most violent scene in the entire film. From then on, it just keeps getting 'better.' This is a painful movie to watch, but its a free-for-all I'd see again.

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