Cinema Soldier

Score:

I've never seen so many shirtless teenagers and vacant stares in my life. There is such a thing as a "chick flick" and then there's New Moon, the actual movie equivalent of a Harlequin novel, sadly without the Fabio-adorned cover or sex. It's a marked improvement from its predecessor, Twilight, but only if you can get over the high-flown acting and slow pace. Judging from the reactions of the high-school girls packed into Celebration! Cinema here in Lansing, MI (my town), genetically-troubled half-naked teenage boys running around in the rain more than compensate for a bit of lingering. 

This must be what watching The Beatles was like for girls of the 60s. The band sounded amazing, but you probably couldn't hear a note if you saw them live. Seeing New Moon at midnight was like watching a movie with a laugh/scream track. The theater was clogged with hundreds of blossoming female fans who laughed, oohed, and awed at everything. After a few minutes, I had more fun going with the flow than anything else. Would I have liked it if I saw it alone? I have no idea, though I did, regrettably, think Club Dread was hilarious when I saw it with a bombastic college crowd some years ago--not so much when I saw it in a less social situation. Laughter is contagious.

My chief problem with New Moon is that it is built only for those who have read the Twilight books. Unlike the Harry Potter movie series, or Lord of the Rings, or I-don't-know-what, New Moon doesn't make sense if you aren't already a fan. I don't get why characters like Jacob act like they do; I don't understand the werewolf and vampire powers; and I don't understand the motivations of any of these characters. Why is Bella (Kristin Stewart) only interested in vampires (Robert Pattinson) and werewolves (Taylor Lautner)? And why are they so interested in her? There is no visible chemistry between any of the principle actors. Fans tell me that I'd understand why they love each other if I read the books, but who reads books these days, anyway?

I must say that director Chris Weitz (who made The Golden Compass a couple years back) has done an admirable job channeling his inner woman. He lingers too long, but gets the job done. In fact, the cinematography borders on amazing at some moments. The final battle with Edward (the pasty vampire) is especially fast and fun, with some impressive I-can-move-fast special effects. Weitz also does a great job syncing fantastic tracking shots and chase sequences in the forest to a very modern soundtrack. There are some beautiful images in New Moon. Michael Sheen also impresses as the head vampire.

I'm not sure there is anyone out there who would read a review of New Moon. Much like Transformers 2, hardcore fans of the series will see it anyway and would love it even if it ended with Voldemort chasing Bella down the street with a wafflemaker. But will it be a film we remember when the screaming girls stop? That's a good question. I'll see you at Eclipse!